Do you know who was the first NHL player to earn $100,000.00 a year?

-Dennis

AC's Response:

Dennis,

First of all, nobody cares about hockey, unless of course it is being played by naked chicks (and by naked chicks, I mean naked chicks making out with each other while I massage their gentle buttocks, but I digress).

Anyway, as far as I can tell Bobby Hull was the first NHL player to make $100,000 http://www.prohockeystats.com/whainfo.asp . Of course he had to spend $95,000 of it on new teef and blew the other $5,000 on Molson and the Brass Rail http://www.clubzone.com/c/Toronto/Adult_Club/Brass_Rail.html.

Toodles,

AC Titticock IIIi Esquire

-Sterling

Answer:

Dear Sterling,

I want to thank you for proving that ESL kids (English as a second language) can still be participating members of our society. I have a response for you but you may need to get a translator as it is likely to be mostly grammatically correct and also have few spelling errors.

Yes, you can go straight to the majors and a few players have such as David Clyde http://www.recordonline.com/archive/2003/06/29/basecolu.htm.

It is just like porn if you are a chick. Once you graduate high school and presumably are of age, you are more than welcome to eat another chick’s box for the love of the game. If you are hot, you don’t need to spend years refining your technique and working your way up, rather you go straight to Vivid Video and hence straight to my DVD player.

Toodles,

AC Titticock

MJ

ANSWER:

MJ,

The red sox spring training was in Sarasota in 1951 http://www.baseball-almanac.com/teams/springtrainingsites-al.shtml . Interestingly enough, that marked Oil Can Boyd’s first try out with the team.

As for Elroy Face (http://www.baseball-reference.com/f/facero01.shtml) , he led the league in saves and games finished a number of times but the main record he holds is for top anagrams involving synonyms for crap, with the immortal “Fecal Yore.”

Hope that was helpful and give my best to Scottie Pippen,

AC Titticock IIIi Esquire

AC's Response:

Dear Kim (and by kim I assume you are a female with large breasts, and if not, may I suggest implants),

I went back to the wagercom.com archives and found my initial reaction to the Davis trade http://www.wagercom.com/free-nba-basketball-picks-12-20-03.html

“The key to the trade was Ricky Davis. A younger, more athletic, version of Antoine Walker, ugh. Paul Pierce is apparently a big fan so as long as Paul is making the trades, lets see if he can get his buddy Baron Davis too. I am not a big Ricky Davis fan as I think he is a moron and will only create problems but he is undeniably more talented than the three players the Celtics gave up. I say the over/under is 5 weeks before he and O’Brien have their first blow up. O’Brien likes defense and the only defense Ricky Davis knows of is de-fence around de-house he lives in, bwahahahaahah!!!!!! Wow, that joke was as bad as a Jim Paxson trade.”

So, you are right, I was not a big Davis fan but was not against the trade as we did get more talent than we gave up. However, since that day I have been overly tough on poor Ricky mainly because I am an idiot and influenced by the same media in which I play a small part. This year Ricky has been the glue that has held this team together and is flourishing in his 6th man role. I agree that he should be sixth man of the year and if his name were Ethmakios Tshiganpiuue he would be a star. He has blended in well with ‘Toine and Paul, checked his ego, and brought a Tony Allen-esque energy. I have nothing but good things to say now about Ricky but I also realize he could snap any day.

So what have we learned:

1. I am an idiot

2. I like lesbians

3. Danny Ainge may be crazy but he is lucky

But enough about me, let’s talk about you. When you go the beach, do you where a one piece or two piece? Britney or Lindsay? Have you ever spent time in a turkish prison? Feel free to send pictures.

Toodles,

AC Titticock IIIi Esquire

Kim C.'s Response:

Hate to burst your bubble, but I am one of the 1% of all humans named Kim who is a male! I seriously doubt you would like a picture of me, being 48 years old and not really buffed! However, we do have some things in common, because I too, am an idiot, and I also like lesbians!

Cheers

Kim C.

-Colin M.

Answer:

Dear Colin,

I don't know what Chelsea bayern is, though I suspect it is some sort of gay soccer thing where young lads kick a ball to each other on a pitch and hope to gently rub buttocks with opposing players.

Anyway, I have no idea who the ref was but I am pretty sure he was
taller than your mom. Is that sufficient?

Tea and crumpets for all,

AC Titticock IIIi Jr Esquire

If you could answer this, it'd either win me a dinner or make me buy my roommate a dinner. Either way, I would appreciate it. Also, if there's any link you can send me I'd appreciate that too.
Thanks
Joel M.

AC's Response:

Joel,

you have come to the right place as AC knows all, except how to get a money shot in lesbian porn, but that is another story.

The NBA playoff home court advantage is decided entirely by record and not playoff seed. So in your example, the Kings would host the Celtics. You can read it at the bottom of this link http://www.nba.com/preview2004/realign_031117.html.

So now that one of you is getting a free dinner, I hope your roommate is female or you are female because two dudes eating out is probably gay. I mean, if you won the bet, would you expect him to "thank you" for the date when it is over? I am going to pretend that your roommate is a hot bitch and this will get you laid and by laid i mean anal with her. If that is true, please send pictures.

Enjoy the olive garden,

AC Titticock IIIi esquire

Hi ac could you tell me if any of the toronto blue jays are non residents of canada meaning they do not pay canadian income tax? Would some of them be american citizens and american residents and only have to pay income tax in america? Thanks - Jimmy

AC Replies:

Dear Little Jimmy,

None of the Blue Jays are Canadian residents because none of them are poor and thus all prefer to live in a populated country like the US. However, seeing as how there is a strip club within any 5 block radius in the whole country of Canada, with strippers who get their scwerve on for ~$20 Canadian (about $.30) it blows my mind that they don’t all live up there.

Anyway, in reading this article http://accounting.uwaterloo.ca/people/documents/amacnaug_taxnotespaper2004.pdf, my interpretation is that if a player plays on a Canadian team and thus is effectively employed in Canada for over 183 days, they are subject to Canadian taxes on that income. Of course, this article was about as interesting as masturbating to freshly cut grass and I found myself toggling over to my porn collection after every sentence so I may be wrong. Also, I am not a tax accountant, though I can effectively calculate the interest-tax shields when using an APV valuation method which along with $1 will buy me a can of low end soup or 3 minutes in my local porn shop video booth.

Either way, you should be more concerned about the lack of money shot in lesbian porn than Canadian taxes.

Toodles,

AC Titticock IIIi Esquire

I have been trying to find out what horse came out of the gate first in the 131st Kentucky Derby, can you give me this answer

-ndfeller

Answer:

Hey young feller (bwahahahaha!!!),

According to this article http://tcm.bloodhorse.com/viewstory.asp?id=28035, some horse named Spanish Chestnut made the lead out of the gate.

Of course, this begs the question, what is exactly is a “Spanish Chestnut?” Is it related to the Spanish wristwatch (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Spanish+Wristwatch), the Spanish shower (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=spanish+shower), the Spanish nose (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=spanish+nose), or simply a Morris Chestnut (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Morris+Chestnut), and I don’t mean this Morris Chestnut (http://imdb.com/name/nm0004820/).

Unfortunately, I don’t know the answer to that one, but do know that horse racing is gay.

Toodles,

AC Titticock IIIi esquire